


Your Fah or Your Ploy

by alienbiarcher



Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Happy Ending, King's grandma is a lesbian, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Supportive Ram, Trans!King
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienbiarcher/pseuds/alienbiarcher
Summary: King wasn't dumb and he had realized that Ram liked him back a while ago. The thing about such a seemingly joyful set of circumstances was the fact that King was trans and rather worried about what Ram would think of it.Or, a story about how we all wish we had a lesbian grandma and a partner who would treat us right.
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 148





	Your Fah or Your Ploy

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna preface that i myself am trans & non-binary , and i also used to identify as a trans guy for years . so even though this is obviously not every trans man's experience , king's feelings described in this fic are very much derived from my own personal experience ( and ram's reactions from my own wishful thinking ) .

King felt quite confident in himself by the time he turned 18. He figured out he was a guy when he was a young child, and his family was understanding, allowing him to take hormone blockers and later testosterone without much resistance. So when he went to university, he already had less to prove and worry about than he could have under different circumstances.

But despite all that, he was still incredibly careful – in everything he did. His entire wardrobe was picked out meticulously. All his shirts for school were slightly loose and covered up by the blue engineering shirt that he never took off, and all the shirts he wore outside of school were intentionally baggy and just big enough to cover up his chest and binder properly, while not making him seem smaller. And even though he carried a fanny pack around with him at all times, he never put it on in either of the two ways people usually did in order not to attract unwarranted attention to his chest or his hips. He made sure to pay attention to the way he talked, to the way he walked and to the way he sat. And he knew he had to try harder than everyone around him combined.

There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between him and the rest of the world – he needed to be perfect in order to be taken seriously. And of course, he was smart and hardworking, but pretty much everyone knows that being a straight-A student in university is a next to impossible task. But it was something he had to do, to make sure he didn’t disappoint anyone and to make sure he would have a good future. And that was simply unfair. 

However, there was one other thing that bothered King, and it was love. Now don’t get him wrong, he knew that he could technically find love. But love on its own is a very rare thing – finding someone you feel such intense feelings for, and having them reciprocated, feels almost like a miracle. And finding someone like that, who is also ok with dating a trans person, feels like even less of a probability. The thing is, most people were still incredibly ignorant of what it even meant to date a trans person. King had met a fair share of people who told him that “they were not pansexual, so they couldn’t be attracted to trans people” or that “trans people weren’t their type”. And at some point after hearing all of that, one is bound to give up on the whole idea of dating. Because what was the point of continuously putting himself out there (which was already hard enough), when all he got in response was “sorry, the very core of your existence is entirely unattractive to me”?

But then came Ram. King knew there was something special about him the very first time he had seen him through a bookshelf in the library. He had felt _flustered_. And anyone who knew King knew that he didn’t get flustered easily. The more time they spent together, the more King was falling for Ram, and he was pretty sure Ram was falling for him too. Which was absolutely terrifying. 

Most people would be jumping for joy at such a rare occasion, but it just wasn’t that simple for King. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, and at first, he felt that it would perhaps be easier to simply keep basking in the soft, caring, undefined relationship that he and Ram shared than confronting the unspoken between them, for fear of ending up with nothing at all. But the farther it went, the harder it had gotten for King to stop himself – from a lot of things. From taking Ram’s hand to finally find out if he was one of those people who always had cold hands or whose hands somehow managed to be just warm enough at all times, or from planting a soft kiss on his forehead and drowning in his arms to finally find out if their bodies fit together as perfectly as he had imagined. 

So King tried to push Ram away. Push him away, because he just couldn’t handle being hurt again, and all of it didn’t matter that much anyway, right? Right? But it did, and he knew it, and _Ram knew it_ , and it would’ve blown up into their faces eventually, and when it finally did, it felt both beautiful and painful. 

When King woke up right next to Ram the next day, he wished he could remember the way he had let it all go yesterday, the way he had allowed himself to be happy. But he knew it wasn’t that simple, and when he saw that Ram might have forgotten what had happened, he saw that emergency exit door and he ran for it. And he ran and ran, all the way to his grandmother’s house, getting that text on the way there, trying to ignore it desperately and not being able to stop thinking about it no matter what he did. 

King’s grandmother – Nahm – greeted him as warmly as she always did, but a note of worry appeared in her voice the second she saw him. “Stop psychoanalyzing me, grandma”, King pouted, once they sat down to eat. “I am afraid ‘tis too hard of a task for someone who has been a therapist for as long as I have”, she smiled kindly. “I promise I shall not press further, but I hope you know you can talk to me about whatever it is that is bothering you”.

And King knew that he could, truly. His grandma had always been the most understanding person in his life. She had supported him the most when he had just come out to his family and had convinced his parents that accepting their son and helping him transition would be the right thing to do. He just wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, and what to even say. 

In the evening, they were sitting on the couch, watching a movie they used to watch when King was a kid when he almost started saying something, but stopped for a second. Nahm looked at him attentively, patiently waiting for him to begin the conversation that he so clearly needed to have. “I met this boy”, he finally said, breathing out. 

She smiled softly, tilting her head slightly to the side, “So what seems to be the problem?” King sighed and said, a little exasperated, “You know what the problem is”. “You listen to me, my boy”, Nahm responded, taking his hand into both of hers and looking at him seriously, “If that boy has any problems with who you are, he does not deserve a second of your time”. King nodded. “I know, I know, I just-“, he sighed, “I don’t _know_ if he has a problem with it or not, and I’m not sure I want to know, but it’s too late _not_ to know, so I just don’t know what to do anymore”. “Then tell me everything, from the beginning”, she said, looking at him encouragingly. “Alright”, King nodded, happy to finally get all the feelings that he had off his chest.

So, he did tell his grandma everything. He told her about the strange boy called Ram, who he first saw at the library, and how fast his heart was beating every time he saw him. He told her about how reserved Ram was at first and how little he spoke. And he told her about how he managed to get past his walls. He told her about the plant he picked out so carefully and about how much it meant to Ram. He told her about all the little and big moments. About the way he tried to distance himself from Ram, and about the way Ram cared enough about their relationship to truly fight for it, not willing to stand down. He told her about the way he gave in and about the happiness and safety he felt in Ram’s arms. And he told her about how scared he was that he would eventually lose all of it.

“My dear boy”, Nahm said, smiling, with a certain sadness buried somewhere deep in her eyes, “What you have just told me now – it is beautiful. And I understand why you do not wish to lose it. But be honest with yourself, would you really want to be with someone who does not love you for who you truly are?” King sighed, “You always know how to twist words in a way that would make me look at a situation differently”. She nodded, “That I do, but be serious now”. 

She sat down in front of him, looking right into his eyes, “I have never mentioned the relationships I had before Fah-". "You dated someone before grandma Fah?" King interrupted. "Indeed I have. Now, I have told you the reason why I became a physiologist many times before. Even though it was quite the stigmatized profession at the time – I was depressed from a rather early age, and as I grew up I wanted to help people like me. What I have never told you, however, is when I was studying at university, I met a young woman-“

“Was it P’Fah?” King interrupted again.

“No, it was not. Her name was Ploy. Now stop interrupting me, young man, I am trying to tell you something”, she said, looking at her ever so curious grandson lovingly, but seriously. “That woman I met, I fell in love with her. And I suppose she was in love with me as well. At first, things were perfect. But then I started feeling especially unwell, and she found out about my depression. Though, found out would probably be the wrong expression for it – she did not believe it existed. She ignored me, whenever I had “one of my moments” – that was what she called them. But when I felt better or had enough strength to pretend that I was better, we were fine – great even. One of my friends at the time pointed out that Ploy’s love was very much conditional, but I felt like I could not bear losing all those amazing feelings I felt with her when she did love me. Eventually, I had enough strength to break it off, because I was better off without her. Even alone. But years later I met Fah, who loves me whole, no matter how I feel at which moment. And that, my boy, is the love worth having. Believe me, it is the only love that deserves your attention. And I understand that your experience is very different, but I am telling you this because my precious, incredible grandson deserves true love. And you need to find out if this boy is it or not. Dive into it and deal with whatever comes, but do it. You deserve the truth, because at the end of the day – you do not need a person, who does not accept you for who you are. You deserve much greater things. In fact, everyone does”. 

"So what happened to P'Ploy then?" King asked. "I do not know", Nahm responded simply. "And I do not wish to know. I have lived a long and happy life with your grandma Fah, and I am glad I have made the decisions I have because they all led me to the love of my life. The decision I made with Ploy, however, was the right one even before I met "the one". You remember that". King nodded seriously. "Would you mind telling me some more about when you were younger?" Nahm smiled happily, “I would love nothing more. But perhaps later, seeing as you might like to do something else today?” King stood up, “Would you be ok with me leaving so abruptly?” Nahm squeezed his hand, “Run, my dear boy, quickly”. King nodded, determined to find out whether Ram was his Ploy or his Fah as soon as possible.

King arrived at his apartment building closer to midnight. He was trying not to overthink what to say, while also trying to think it over, since barging in there without a plan seemed like an idea equally bad to worrying about it too much. He eventually settled on checking if Ram was even awake since it was quite late already and he could have been asleep. When he came up to his door, the light that he saw coming from under it and the soft noises from behind it indicated that Ram was indeed still awake. King opened the door and slowly went into the living room, looking at his plants in a desperate attempt to find last bits of comfort in them.

“P’King?” he heard Ram’s soft voice. The boy was sitting on the sofa, clearly a little sleepy, with a pillow and blanket already prepared for himself. “You probably want to sleep”, King said, “We can talk tomorrow”. He was about to go to his room, when Ram grabbed his wrist, stopping him. Silent as always, he was obviously waiting for King to start the conversation, so the latter turned around, feeling Ram let go of his hand. 

A million thoughts ran through King’s head – a million ways to say it, a million ways to explain it, a million ways to begin and end the speech that would leave out no details and beg no questions. But eventually, he simply breathed out and said, “I’m trans”. Ram nodded, “Ok”. King blinked, “Ok?” Ram nodded again, repeating, “Ok”. King sat down in the armchair in front of the sofa, feeling equally underwhelmed and overwhelmed. He wasn’t sure what it all meant. Had he misread Ram’s signals? Or was he truly just… ok with it?

Ram sat in front of him, cross-legged, “You are trans. And you love plants like nobody else in the world. You are a straight-A engineering student. And a great friend. You have the brightest, most beautiful smile. And I like you. I like you very much”. King looked at Ram, not sure what to say, “This is the longest string of sentences you have ever said to me”. Ram blinked, “Some things need to be said out loud”. King smiled, “Well, for what it’s worth, I like you very much too”. Ram smiled in response, pulling him in for a kiss. And the kiss didn’t feel desperate and charged like the last time - it felt soft, calm, and _just right_. 

“What did you lay all that out for?” King asked, when they pulled away, pointing at the bedding on the sofa. Ram smiled at him, grabbing his wrist again and pulling him into the bedroom. When King was changing into a comfy t-shirt and some shorts, he could do it without leaving the room for the first time, unafraid of Ram seeing his binder (though still a little nervous about it). When he turned around to face the other boy, already fully changed, Ram looked at him quizzically. “Aren’t you supposed to take your binder off for the night?” King looked down at himself, wondering how well versed exactly Ram was in the topic, since precious few people, who didn’t wear one themselves, actually knew about the fact. “Well, would you… would you be comfortable with that?” Ram sat up on the bed, taking King’s hands into his, “I would be more than comfortable with that, but you should also know that my comfort must never come before your safety and health”. King planted a quick peck on Ram’s forehead and went to change again. 

When he returned, Ram was already lying in bed with the only light coming from the little lamp on the nightstand. King slowly crawled under the covers, taking Ram’s hand into his. It was surprisingly warm for such a Cool Boy. He felt Ram scooting closer to him, and King put his head on the other boy’s arm, cuddling up to him. It felt just as perfect as he had imagined. Ram turned off the light. King fell asleep with just one thing on his mind: Ram was definitely his Fah and he definitely liked him, _he like him very much_.

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't quite sure if i ended up putting too many details and points into this , since i have had so many years of all these thoughts and experiences , but nowhere to release them , or if it was just my insecurity about my writing getting in the way and saying i was doing too much . in the end , i decided to leave everything as it was - if it felt like too much , you know why . either way , if you wish to do so - you can tell me what you thought in the comments here or by going to my [tumblr (@ bl-archer)](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bl-archer)
> 
> if someone would be interested , i might write a sequel , where ram meets nahm and fah ... or something . 
> 
> in any case , thank you for reading , and i hope that all of those lovely readers , who wish to find love , find their fah as soon as possible <3


End file.
